| -::The Final Entry::-
La Parisienne
So, here we are. The final entry. As of today, I have been back from Paris for exactly 3 weeks. Gives me a little time for reflection before I write this final entry I've been putting of for so long. Writing this entry in many ways is admitting that my time in Paris is over, that a piece of my life and myself is left somewhere across the Atlantic, perched in a tiny Seine-side apartment.
What can I say about my time in Paris. Those of you who were with me, or with whom I was constantly in contact saw my little evolutions over my 10months. No, I don't believe I became the quintessential Parisienne. In many ways I feel my time in Paris reaffirmed my steadfast Californian identity. Being in Paris was difficult at some times, leaving home for the first time to live a different country amongst people with whom I barely shared a language, associating with students I'd never met before, operating under an educational system I was not familiar with. But it was all made easier by the fact that, soon into my Paris experience, I learned that I have one of the most amazing bases of support. Between my family and my friends, I have never felt a stronger more blessed person than I have been this past year. Though you may not realize it, to all of you who sent me IMs, called me at 4am, skyped with me frequently, sent me e-mails, cards, letters, and especially those of you who came to visit me--I am so blessed to have you in my life. If Paris has given me anything, it is the realization that not everyone is as lucky as I am- I have the love, suppport, and affection of an amazing and varied group of people. It was knowing that I was coming back to all of you that made my periods of homesickness and frustration bearable. It was because I knew you would all be waiting for me when I came home, and that you would always accept me just as I am--changed or otherwise--that I was fully able to give myself to this foreign city and the equally foreign people I met here, allowing the city and the people to become an intrinsic part of myself, my experience, and my heart.
Paris became a home to me just when I needed one. Torn between my family in New Jersey and my friends, school, and life in California, Paris gave me a place where none of those loyalties had to be compromised by the other. As others who have lived there will surely agree with me, Paris is not a welcoming warm city that assimilates you into its way of life upon first contact. Nevertheless, I began to feel myelf a part of the city in my own way, and felt that I connected with it on a personal level.
Even through all the struggles Sciences Po inflicted upon me (and many of you were witness to my "breakdowns"), I was able to find my own support group within my new world. Through our difficulties, our frustrations with exposes, our intolerance with mean French professors, our absolute detestation of French bureaucracy we came together, whether as individuals or in clusters of friends, we enjoyed some of the most amazing times I've had in my life, even if we were only drinking water and playing a glorified version of UNO. You, mes amis parisiens, have touched my life in a way you'll never understand. I miss you already more than you know, but know that in many ways you'll be in my life and will influence my life and thoughts in subtle ways in the future.
Paris opened me to a new world, a new perspective, and though many may not see it, a hidden part of myself. My changes are subtle and few, but that does not undermine their significance. Paris, le plus que je te regarde, il est evident que tu as change ma vie....I will miss my apartment with my sloping 400 year of steps, cafe cremes on rainy afternoons, the dogwoods blossoming as spring came out, chance encounters in the gymnase, wandering around the streets late at night with no apparent purpose, spectacular views when least expected, the beautiful architecture and the history tied to it, sitting in classes about the EU surrounded by students representing each of the member nations, lingering dinners with intense conversation over left over fruit and discarded baguette crumbs, ice cream on the few deathly hot days, falafel (but only when there are fries), being greeted by the men at my grocery store, eating ice cream on the banks of the Seine, and most of all the friends. You are amazing, intelligent, thoughtful, energetic, spontaneous, adventurous, affectionate people. J'ai pas les mots pour vous dire ce que je sens....je vous aime, tous.
I feel there's no way this entry could ever to justice to the way I feel about my time in Paris. I am sure I am leaving out some essential component of how I feel about my ten months in the most enchanting city I've ever experienced, but I leave you with these words, and hope that this log has somehow conveyed to you the range of emotions I felt this year. Eventhough there were feelings of frustration, failure, stupidity, humiliation, nervousness, anger, exasperation, and yes, even heartache, there were the equally thrilling emotions of happiness, excitement, amusement, success, intelligence, anticipation, hope, and affection. So, I leave you once again with Hemingway's A Moveable Feast quote, for never have any other words about Paris spoken to me so truly:
If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.
Paris, tu es toujours avec moi, dans mon coeur et dans mes pensees. |
